The "Different" Disadvantage

As an introvert, I often feel like I have to explain myself. I know I am not alone in this; there are numerous articles, memes, websites, blogs, etc floating around that tell me this is normal for introverts (finally!). It can feel really bad sometimes, to have to explain myself. 

It feels bad because it often crosses the line. There are people that seek to understand introversion better and there are people that attack it. It is largely viewed as wrong, not just different, but a disadvantage. Why do I have to defend myself against who you think I should be?

It's hard to explain why I don't want to go to the party, the retreat, the girl's night out, the exciting group activity.These things are intensely overstimulating for me. Sometimes I can do it; sometimes I can't. Some days I genuinely want to go, but I know it's not a good idea. 

Some days I can't listen to the radio while I drive or clean house. I am that sensitive. Think of me as the inverse of the extreme extrovert. If your worst weekend is one spent alone without tv, social media, or any way of interacting with people, mine is one of endless interaction. 

Sometimes I over-estimate what I can do. I think it will be okay, but it's not. I want out. I am an adult; I can push through when required. This kind of day or weekend is so over-stimulating, so draining to me. It makes me physically ill. It takes me days to recover. I get a migraine. I vomit. My body hurts for a day or two (or five). I often get sick with a cold or sore throat for a week or so after. 

Maybe this is how sensitive I am at this point in my life. I haven't always been so sensitive. Maybe it is more and I am ill. I don't know. What I do know is I get tired of explaining it, defending it. I get tired of being treated like I'm weird or an inconvenience because if it. 

I'm definitely in the minority here, but God made me this way. I'm a person; I'm not here to fall into line with everything you think I should be. I want to be appreciated for what I am. I am not less of a person because I spend most of my time alone, in the quiet.    

It's hard to explain why I don't always want to talk about the weather, the new handbag, the many "nothings" that dominate conversation. For me, these conversations require energy. I'd rather spend my energy discussing something more meaningful. I'd like to hear about you, not your handbag.

"People time" requires a lot of energy for an introvert, even more for a highly sensitive one. This is a fact. One that can shut extroverts down immediately. Statements like these are wildly unpopular. 

I find this utterly amusing, and also interesting. I get what makes an extrovert tick. Our society is built for extroverts. It's been shoved down my throat every day of my life. It's in what you want from me, what you think I should be, what you think is best for me, what you think I should do. 

Why is it so unimportant, inconvenient, inconceivable for you to widen your perception of should? 

"There are worse things than being an introvert." 

What if being an introvert could be the best thing? It doesn't have to be the best thing for you - that's not who God made you to be, but what if - and just imagine this for a moment - it was the best thing I could ever be? 

God made me an introvert. At times in life I have been quite social. Right now I'm not. God made me an introvert. He puts a lot into us. He gives us areas to grow, to change, to overcome. Introversion is not one of them. It's hard-wired in. It's how my brain works. It's in my nervous system. It was not a mistake; it is not something to overcome. It evolves with time, just like your gifts, talents, abilities and traits do. 

It can be hard to "manage" introversion at times. I have very little control over it. It's hard to know what to expect when I go out into the big world. It's hard to anticipate what stimulants will come my way. It's hard to proactively manage them when it's not socially acceptable to even acknowledge them. I can't ask someone to dim the lights or turn the radio down. I will be viewed as a complainer at best. I don't want that anyway. I don't want my current limitations to influence your choices or take away from your day, your experience. 

The worst thing for me is it's not socially acceptable to say "no". No, I don't want to go to your party. It's not because I don't like you; I just don't have the energy. When I do commit to going, it's not socially acceptable to back out. "I was feeling amazing a week ago when I (fearfully) accepted your invitation. Things have changed since then; I'm not up to it." Social suicide. And finally, worst of all, it is not okay to attend an event (even if you are smart enough to drive yourself) and leave early. You will be guilted to stay. Many implications will be made. You will acquire the dreaded label. 

Why can't it just be tolerable, acceptable, celebrated to be different? 

I'm okay with you attending every social event you can fit on your calendar. I'm okay with you talking to every single person in the room at those social events. I'm okay with you staying the entire time, until the very end if you want. I'm okay with you talking about the weather and your purse and "nothing" (which can be great at times, and can also be any easy way to keep people at arms-length so that they easily fill an empty friend slot in your life and your energy bank - even though you will never really get to know them at all). If these are the things you want, and if they are good for you, I am ecstatic for you to have each and every one.      

Please recognize that I want something different. What's good for you may not be good for me.