lemons

You've heard the adage:

When life gives you  lemons, make lemonade.

I'd like to add:

When life gives your neighbor lemons, don't judge.

Living in a small Midwest town is a blessing. People care. People help out. You actually know your neighbors. We try to keep a lid on the busyness of life so we can care about what is actually important. There is a sense of community and of safety in a small town. We are "we" here. "We" can make a difference here and in the world. 

We have strong feelings, strong ethics, a moral code, principles and faith that we try to pass along to our children. We care. We work. We try. 

We also know all your business. I don't know because I'm new, but this isn't my first small town. Trust me; "we" know. Some of us thrive on it, live for it, talk about it. And not just with God, not just with our husbands, not just in love, not just to spread a prayer request. Thankfully, it is only some. Thankfully even that some are everyday lovable, wonderful people with a weakness for gossip.

Still, it can do damage. It can hurt reputations. It can hurt trust that has been carefully built over time. It can damage community and what God had planned for us - the work "we" were meant to do. "We" can do a bigger work, a better work if we can manage not to let Satan divide us. That takes self-control, especially where the temptation to gossip comes in. 

As the newbie, it is hard to know who to trust, who to confide in. It's hard to trust people you don't know. I have only recently started sharing with some of the women in this community. It's scary. It's hard. Panic attack hard. Wish I could take that back hard. Can I really trust you with my problems hard. Does everybody I know and everybody I don't know already know my personal business hard.

To some extent I have to stop reasoning and trust God with this. I can't wall myself off from the world in case someone hurts me, gossips about me, judges me. I can't miss out on genuine and kind and loving. I can't miss out on heartfelt prayers and pouring into a wonderful group of women that only wants to pour back into me. I can't miss out on a blessing God has prepared for me because someone might not be genuine; someone might have a weakness for gossip. If that happens I have to be big enough, strong enough, faithful enough to love them through their weakness as they love me through mine. My only power, my only strength is in what I do. I can't be a victim if I've already set my mind that it just might happen and if it does I will hold my head up. I will love, and forgive, and pray for.

I openly admit I have dirt. I talk about it here, it's no secret. I'm not proud of all I do, all my family does, all that happens in life, but Jesus came for my dirt and He came for my family's dirt. If there is any power to hold over the dirt and pain of the past it's in saying, "Look! Look at ALL this dirt! I was filthy, broken, and full of guilt and shame. Look what God has done for me! Look how clean I have been made by Jesus! Look at how He has helped me to clean up my life! See how He has helped my family? See what He can do?" 

And in times when life is messy, when you are back in the thick of it and struggling to push on to the other side, the victory side - then you just say, "Look! Look at my God! He never leaves me, no matter my mess! I don't deserve Him. I never will, not on my very best day, but oh, how faithful He is! Look how He is helping me through this. By His grace I can already see the victory on the other side!" 

This is where I am now. I'm still in the mess. I'm pushing on. I'm in transition. I'm questioning, searching. I'm trying to reason things out - more than I should. I'm overwhelmed with life, clutter: mental, emotional, physical clutter. I'm weeding out. I'm making decisions, making changes, grasping at a vision for something different, better. I'm re-visiting old pains, dreams, goals. I'm preparing for a new chapter. It's messy. Messier than need be maybe, but that's me. I can't just sort through one thing; I have to sift through it all. It makes people uncomfortable. Sometimes that's okay. I don't want to show my mess, explain it, defend it - I just want space and time. All I can say is, "Look! Look at my God!".

I'm still here. I'm still a part of this community. I'm still thinking about you, praying for you. 

Especially those of you also in transition: divorce, loss, mourning and grief, pain, rejection, abuse, addiction. Life can get dirty. The truth isn't always plain, and sometimes it conflicts with our other Christian values. Life isn't black and white, and sometimes neither is our faith. I know; I've been in that grey place of indecision. I've been in that place where nothing is clear, nothing is certain. All you can do is entrust God with your best. He wants the best for you. This is the time to look to Him. Don't wait. Don't try to clean it up on your own. He is faithful. He is used to working through mistakes and brokenness and pain.   

It's easy to quote a scripture or two and sum up the many facets of your hurt, pain, and problems with a stereotype, a neat little label. I've been under that label; I know what the world sees: Divorced. Single Mom. Interracial Marriage. There is a lot of judgement behind the words on our labels. These labels carry a lot of weight. They can be heavy and burdensome. It can cause you to question your own worth and value, when others read your labels with contempt in their voice, disdain on their face. 

That is part of life. We all wear labels, to some degree. Some are socially acceptable in our communities, others are not. Sometimes we make our own labels. Some are fair, others are not. Some are completely out of our control. We are all judged by our labels, good or bad. Sometimes we can hide them, move away from them, change and leave them behind.

The best possible outcome is to learn from our labels. Mine have taught me that at the end of the day you have to hear what God is speaking into your heart, and you have to allow others to listen to what He is speaking into theirs. I don't know what I don't know. I try to assume nothing and always believe the best. I try.

 

When life gave me lemons I slowly, painstakingly, are purposefully made lemonade. One of my greatest lessons was when life gives someone else lemons, don't judge. Pray.